family
Mike Riera
speaker. author. parental philosopher.
Mike Riera, PhD, speaks and writes on the topic of understanding teenagers and children. www.mikeriera.com
Family is with us for a lifetime. They grow with us and we grow with them. They hold the perfect mirror up so we can see ourselves. I like to joke that there are two ways to attain enlightenment – one is to retreat for years and meditate nonstop, and the other is to be fully conscious as we raise our kids.
When we raise our kids consciously, we see how different they are from us, we see their struggles and their beauty. When we have strong relationships with our kids, they help us see the world from their perspective. Sometimes that’s tough, but sometimes it’s hilarious, joyful, and fun. They play out the human drama right in front of us on a daily basis. As in the Taoist tradition, it helps to be in the moment and take it for what it is.
What do I do when I see my own behavior reflected back to me through my kids? When it’s a something I like, I’m careful to let them cart it away as their own, to let it lead them somewhere else, even perhaps somewhere I wish I’d gone. When it’s something I dislike, I try to make sure my response is appropriate rather than an overreaction based on something else, like a tendency I don’t like in myself, or stress I’m feeling in my life. Our own stress can get in the way of being able to see our kids as they are.
One way I’ve found that helps with seeing kids as they are comes from my years of practicing martial arts. It’s the idea of looking with soft eyes, of looking into someone’s eyes and taking them in, seeing what’s going on right now. No judgment. Just being okay with who they are. The beauty of looking with soft eyes is that when I do it I always feel my shoulders relax and I spontaneously take a deep breath as I soak in the person I’m seeing.
What drives people crazy about teenagers is that they tell us what they see. Often, it’s something we don’t want to admit, something living in the shadows of our denial. When that happens, instead of simply saying, “You’re right,” it can be easier to say, “Don’t take that tone with me.” But we can learn, too. We can ask ourselves, using their reflection, “How can I do it better?”
A family is always evolving. That means I’m always evolving, too.
- Mike Riera
Share on Facebook 
Share on Twitter 
Stumble This! 
Digg This! 
Bookmark on Delicious 
Email to a Friend
More Meaning
-
counselor. spiritual director. do-gooder.
John Morton is a minister, author, counselor, coach, and the Spiritual Director of several non-profit organizations, including the Movement of Spiritual Inner Awareness. www.theblessings.org
-
team builder. motivator. creator.
Ruth Grodek founded Creation, a company that coaches senior management teams and individual leaders to be authentic, powerful, inspiring, and compassionate. www.creation-uk.com
-
musician. producer. curious quester.
Max Lugavere is a co-founding host and producer of Al Gore’s TV network. He’s also a celebrity ambassador for Causecast.org, a singer-songwriter, and founder of the non-profit concert series Rockdrive. http://twitter.com/#!/maxlugavere
-
songwriter. producer. elephant groover.
Miss Kristin is a prolific songwriter/music producer and the CEO of her own music label, Big Fuss Records. Kristin thrives when extending her hands to help others reach their dreams. http://misskristin.com
-
omnibuilder. nomad. inspirationalist.
Bassam Tarazi is the Director of Operations of Omnibuild and a co-founder of Nomading Film Festival. He has recently launched Colipera, which focuses on collective inspiration and personal accountability. www.colipera.com
Explore More Meaning
-
writer. activist. asker of questions.
Pat Thomas is a journalist, campaigner, and author specializing in health and environment. She’s the author of dozens of books for adults and children and creator of the interactive game Infrequently Asked Questions. www.iaqs.org.uk
-
venture capitalist. kiteboarder. dream achiever.
Bill Tai rides the waves of the stock market as a successful venture capitalist and the waves of the ocean as a sponsored kiteboarder. www.about.me/BillTai
-
author. actress. health enthusiast.
Mariel Hemingway is an author and the founder of Mariel’s Kitchen, a company she created to help people discover health and happiness by treating themselves well. www.marielhemingway.com
-
therapists. body developers. naked communicators.
Mudimo and Jane Okondo have been exploring well-being for over 20 years and are passionate about supporting people and communities, using a diverse toolkit that includes somatic and psychotherapeutic therapies, coaching, and creativity. www.okwellbeing.com
-
blogger. photographer. joyful spirit.
Jaclyn Welsh is a blogger, photographer, and marketer who strives to walk through life with kindness in her words, joy in her spirit, and peace in her heart. http://polkadotteapot.wordpress.com
-
motivational speaker. businessman. philanthropist.
James Malinchak has delivered over 2,200 motivational presentations, owns three businesses, has written eight books, and is a Contributing Author and Associate Editor for the Chicken Soup for the Soul books. www.malinchak.com
-
author. teacher. expressionist.
Author, coach, counselor, teacher, and workshop facilitator for Café Gratitude and Challenge Day, Erin Ross has inspired and empowered thousands to take positive action toward living their lives fully expressed. www.getthatyoumatter.com
-
speaker. author. spiritual internist.
Dr. Larry Dossey is a former internist and the author of eleven books on the role of consciousness and spirituality in health. He lectures around the world. www.dosseydossey.com
- More
Today's Poll
When was the last time you sat down with someone and listened to their stories?
Our Take
family • A mirror. A place to learn about oneself. And love oneself.
Your Turn
Comments